Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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