i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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