Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
