So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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