If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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