I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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