oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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