Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
