you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
