i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
