Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
