my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
