just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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