You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
