just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
