If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont even know how to be here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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