With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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