hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
