i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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