What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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