Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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