Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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