when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
