She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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