There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
