Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
