Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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