I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
