if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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