Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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