I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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