She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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