I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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