I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
