we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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