My friends, they love my intelligence
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
