I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
