what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
