But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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