It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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