My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
