I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize