First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
