is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
