I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize