Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
