the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
