No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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