I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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