Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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