I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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