I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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