im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
