Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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