Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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