I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There r osticjed everywhere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
