just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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