I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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