I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
