My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She needs sedatives and a leash
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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