How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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