bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
