I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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