yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My life is pants optional.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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